To View Essay as PDF:
A Catholic Coming of Age in Mary Gordon’s Final Payments
Mary Gordon’s 1978 novel Final Payments describes Isabel Moore’s coming of age, the
transition between childhood ignorance and reality. Spending 11 years in isolation, Isabel takes
care of her sick father, restricted in her life experiences by his dedication to his profession and
religion. In response to her cloistered upbringing, Isabel challenges the foundations of
Catholicism. Her experiences while living a secular lifestyle cause her to return to her Catholic
roots, finally coming of age and acknowledging the harsh reality of mortality.
Isabel is neglected and cloistered by her father’s profession, which involves teaching at
“St. Aloysius from 1934 to 1969” (Gordon 22). In response to the “years of professional
neglect,” seemingly unimportant in comparison to his profession, Isabel longs for the “world
where people were glamorous, cared about clothes, spent money, weren’t Catholic” (Gordon 22,
31). The text suggests that Isabel has lacked this glamorous lifestyle of clothing, money, and an
absence of Catholicism, and, therefore, longs for what she cannot have. In response, Isabel
rebelliously partakes in sexual relations with David Lowe, her father’s disciple and biggest
admirer. As a result, her father “ensured that no man would ever enter my life in any but a
professional capacity,” as indicated by 11 years of no further sexual relations. Isabel was not
allowed to fraternize with men on a romantic or sexual level, only professionally with “priests
and doctors and policemen and lawyers and eventually the undertaker who would come for my
father in his discreet gray Buick” (Gordon 25). Isabel’s father finally passes away.
Upon her father’s death, Isabel assumes a more secular lifestyle, rebelling against her
religious and secluded upbringing. Soon after the funeral, Isabel travels to the city to shop for
new clothing with her long-term friend, Eleanor. She snatches up a Vogue Magazine. Isabel
comments that “It took courage for someone like me, who had worn clothes for decency and
warmth during the years of life when women find clothes the center of their lives, to look at
clothes as adornment, as fashion, to consider how I looked” (Gordon 45). She at first doubts
herself, reverting back to the mindset her father instilled in her, until, Isabel states, “I felt a fierce
determination to buy something that I could wear today” (Gordon 45). Her father believed that
education took priority over all else, but Isabel disregards this notion and buys new shirts, skirts
and pants anyways, realizing that she has nobody to ask permission of.
In addition to changing her appearance, Isabel embraces her sexuality. No longer does
she remain professional with men, but impulsively engages in sexual intercourse with two
different married men. The first happens to be her friend Liz’s husband, John Ryan. She explains
the feeling of sexual tension and urges between them: “Go on, said something inside me,
friendly, poking me in the ribs, laughing but not unkindly. Whatever it is you will get away with
it, it was saying. You can’t go on like this, it was saying. You don’t want to be alone; you don’t
want to be lonely” (Gordon 117). In response, Isabel consents to sexual intercourse with “the
friendly voice that had poked me in the ribs … saying, how marvelous he is to be near, moving
his hands so cleverly” (Gordon 119). Afterward, contrasting with her previous thoughts, she
realizes that “it was over and wrong” (Gordon 119). Yet, she has further sexual encounters with
another married man named Hugh, who she thinks she is in love with. She has her doubts,
though, unsure of what she truly wants. In a discussion with Eleanor, Isabel explains that she
wants “Hugh. But I’m afraid. If you make someone leave his wife, then what happens to you?
And children. My God, Eleanor, he has two daughters ” (Gordon 179). She acts upon her doubts,
eventually rejecting Hugh and demanding “You must go back to your wife … We’ve been very
wrong to hurt her like that” (Gordon 200). Isabel prioritizes “being a good person. Not hurting
people” over happiness (Gordon 205). Her vision of what is right and what is wrong is derived
from her Catholic upbringing. Instead of being with Hugh, she plans to pay for her sins and
reconcile with Margaret, her old housekeeper, taking care of her in her old, decrepit state.
Although she is reluctant at first, Isabel returns to her Catholic roots. She simply
complies with Margaret’s religious attitude, as she “had promised to do whatever would make
Margaret happy. Whom had I promised? I had promised” (Gordon 220). She promises to say the
Rosary, and later confesses to Father Pilkowski. Isabel “knelt at the altar, looking at nothing … I
would say what they wanted me to say— that I had committed adultery, that I had been away
from the sacraments. But I would keep the most important thing, the only important thing, to
myself. I had been selfish” (Gordon 223). Purely for the sake of making Margaret happy, clearly
lacking belief in God, Isabel admits only her physical transgressions. She refrains from admitting
her selfishness, as she is already atoning for this sin by assisting Margaret. In addition, the
confession processes in the Church have changed since she last confessed. She returns to her
religious roots, spouting off her old prayer: ‘O, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended
thee …’” (Gordon 225). Isabel is corrected and forced to read a different prayer, leaving, she
describes, “a taste in my mouth as if I had just eaten cardboard” (Gordon 225). The taste of
cardboard could be described as bland and tasteless, just as the prayer she recited. Isabel returns
to the “pages in my old Missal, the Missal my father had given me. There was a holy card with
the words of Juliana of Norwich printed on it in the slant, liturgical script that had made its truth
seem inevitable: He said not thou shalt not be tempted / He said not thou shalt not be troubled /
He said thou shalt not be overcome” (Gordon 244). She prefers a more traditional, reliable and
personal form of Catholicism.
Isabel finally comes of age by the church. Acknowledging the harsh reality of mortality,
she states:
My father was dead; there was the pain. I had loved him, but my love had not been able
to help him. Even my love had not made him immune. I had wanted to inject him with
love like a vaccine, to keep him from loss as you might keep a town from cholera. But
my love had not kept him from death, had not even held back the impulse of his brain
that shattered and destroyed his nerves even as I stood near him. Love had kept nothing
back; not even the smallest disasters. My father had died, but I had not killed him, as I
had not been able to save him. I would die; everyone in this church would die. Everyone I
knew and loved would die: Father Mulcahy, Liz, Eleanor. And Hugh. They would be lost
to me. I would, one day, never see them again (Gordon 246).
Through the death of her father, Isabel comes to the conclusion that everything dies, including
“everyone I knew and loved” (Gordon 246). Her love is not a preventative for death, as her “love
had kept nothing back” (Gordon 249). She realizes that, like her father, she cannot save
Margaret. She must live while she can, as this life taking care of Margaret is not, Isabel explains,
“good for either of us” (Gordon 249). She resigns from her position as Margaret’s caretaker,
feeling “weightless, as if I could walk from room to room, making no impression on solid earth,
as if not even walls could stop me” (Gordon 249). The weight of Isabel’s guilt has been lifted.
She comes to realize the value of life and the limits of mortality, coming of age through the
influence of the church and Christianity.
Final Payments is a coming of age novel that describes Isabel Moore’s transition between
childhood ignorance and reality. After growing up for 11 years in isolation, Isabel challenges the
foundations of Catholicism, embracing a secular lifestyle before returning to her Catholic roots.
By the church she finally comes of age, acknowledging the harsh reality of mortality.
Work Cited
Gordon, Mary. Final Payment. Random House Publishing Group , 1978.